1)Lights at Miyagaseko
2) Smores on Xmas eve
3) Diminishing Bridge on Christmas
4) Making Russian Teaccakes On xmas eve
Daddy’s Diary: Fist of Furry
Lovely ladies how have you been? All is well I suppose, Chie has not told me otherwise. I was called up to write this week because Chie and I have recently had to deal with our child’s interaction with other kids. We are at present trying to work through some of these new challenges. Our most recent interpersonal challenge has come as we try to teach Kiko how to “play” or interact with other kids. I put play in quotes because at 18 months, there is no play in the traditional sense it’s more just let children play by themselves in close proximity to one another. The idea that you can make an 18 month play with another child of similar age becomes obviously silly after one attempt and failure. You can try as hard as you want to try and get toddlers to play together but at this age they still don’t seem to have much of sense beyond “I am the center of the world and everything else in it serves me”. Sadly, selfishness is an inherent quality.
That being said I do still think that it is very important to bring ye ol’ toddlers to places where they can learn to interact with other similar aged kids. It’s is mostly because it gives them the opportunity to interact with someone else who thinks like they do…that the world belongs exclusively to them. It seems to me a good reason to do this is that it gives, you as the parent, an opportunity to teach and discipline your child when after a minute or two start having problems with the other babies in the vicinity.
All parents know what problems arise when two or more babies are in the same place. Toys become sources of contention, parental attention becomes worth more than gold and ownership of land becomes pretext for war. This is certainly not a good thing but it is part of the child’s condition and its good to teach and discipline from an early age. Caught early, you can set your child up to learn the lessons of sharing, others’ feelings, and social interaction from an early age.
I’ll set the scene for you: Jane and Suzy are in a play area in close proximity. Jane has a toy, Suzy has a toy. Suddenly Suzy wants Jane’s toy and grabs it. Moments after the grab, Jane realizes this sin has taken place, screams and launches a perfectly placed right cross on Suzy’s chin. Now the screaming is all encompassing. The parents hear and come running to figure out what went down.
From my perspective, this scene is not uncommon, it is not really all that big of a deal in and of itself. If Jane and Suzy’s parents act in a teaching/disciplining way all is well. I’m a bit of a brute with my daughter so my first reaction is quick grab, pick up and a stern whack on the wrist followed by a reprimand(which admittedly they dot understand but they get your pissed and what they did was not to your liking). My reaction is usually faster and more strict than many, but as long as the other parent is in that kind reaction parameter, I am cool with the other parents reaction. If I am Suzy or Jane’s parent, I plan on disciplining in the above stated way and have an expectation that you will act in some similar fashion.
Here is the problem, and I would like y’all’s thoughts on this; if in the situation described, I disciple/teach my child but the other parent just passively allows the child to act like a selfish violent brat, how should I, the parent, respond? I have been in this situation a few times. Once I let it happen because screaming, as would be my natural tendency, was not socially expedient because we were in a large group and it would have caused a fair bit of discomfort. On another occasion however, I witnessed the event, saw the child’s mother do nothing and let the daddy’s right fist of verbal fury fly.
As said, I don’t expect every parents reaction to be the same as mine, but I do expect the reaction to be somewhere in the ballpark. Ladies, what say you?
Daddy’s Diary 9: Letting Them Struggle
They say (I don’t know who exactly, but let’ss assume for the sake if this post that “they” do) that baby chicks need the struggle of breaking through the egg to be able to survive. I don’t know if the baby chick struggle cliche is true but it makes for an appropriate opening in to daddy’s recent thoughts.
Kiko, the young one of the house, has been maturing…a lot. She walks, runs, babbles incoherent nonsense in an attempt to communicate, all kinds of new and exciting aspects of her growth have been bubbling up to the surface. As a proud dad I must say she is doing quite well. She is growing in body, mind and spirit. She is mature beyond her 16 months. But, at the same time, as I watch her grow and accomplish new things I am forced to spend an equal amount of my time watching and allowing her to go into places and situations that I know will cause her pain. Why? It is the only way she can learn.
We all know this don’t we? As people we know that the only way to learn is to work through the process of failure so that we can figure out what to do and what not to do. Certainly not everything requires failure and in a perfect world failure would enter into the equation but as it stands now, a lot of learning comes on building off of past failures, making little steps of progress forward to our goal. That knowledge is fine….for us. We ourselves know that if you fall of the horse you just get back on and keep riding. But, to have watch your kids do it, sucks!
I’ll give you recent scenario:
Andy: Kiko, hold daddies hand here or you’ll fall over.
Kiko: Nya Nya Nya Ba Ba pffffffft = “No, I don’t need to”
Andy: Please sweetie hold daddies hand.
Kiko: Screw that! I’m going to run…….I fell over and smashed my face on the cement……WAHHHHH!!!!
It’s terrible to watch your kids put themselves in physical danger and we all know that scenario as parents. The more frightening ones happen on stairs or on busy roads or other such places of danger. As parents, disciples teachers and Instructors we have to allow for our children to learn (within reason at this age) how actions have consequences. The more you put them in situations like this the quicker they start to learn. When you are lucky they heed your instructions before putting themselves in harms way.
I’ve had nightmares about Kiko on the stairs or Kiko diving skull first off the couch while I’m not paying attention. I, probably for the rest of life, worry about Kiko’s capacity to calculate risk and and choose actions accordingly. But as a father, an extremely limited father, I have to make a conscious effort to allow my child to go through the physical and emotional struggles that come with this life so that she may be better prepared and better Abe to handle the life she is given and the world she encounters.
Soon, the emotional dangers and the dangers posed by other people will become a necessary topic of Daddy-Daughter training time, but for now I’ll just try and keep her from knocking herself unconscious jumping off the loft in my bedroom.
Related posts:
Daddy’s Diary 8: Go Screw
Daddy’s Diary 7: The More The Merrier!?!?
Daddy’s Diary 6: A Year That Felt Like a Day
Mommy’s Diary 32 (Daddy’s Diary 5)
Mommy’s Diary 29 (Daddy’s Diary 4)
Mommy’s Diary 22 (Daddy’s Diary 3)
Mommy’s Diary (Daddy’s Diary 2) 14
Mommy’s (Daddy’s) diary 7