My mini sailor, 1 year and 2 months 🙂
Hello! I wanted to do an update on the foster care registration process that Andy and I are in the midst of. As Andy mentioned in the past, we are working on getting approved as an approved “adoption family” while at the same time getting registered as foster care parents. We are also working with a private adoption agency, but for the foster care, we are dealing with the local government. I usually hate dealing with government agencies since they are a slow bureaucratic nightmare, they are not flexible and lack basic communication skills. The child guidance center which we have to deal with for foster care is no exception.
When we first approached the child guidance center to register as foster parents, Kiko was six months old. We took her to our initial interview with the case workers. They complimented us on how well behaved Kiko was and told us that we should NOT be foster parents. The case workers said that they did not want to ruin our “happy family” because the kids in the institutions are full of troubles, badly behaved and socially awkward. Even if they consider us as foster parents, they would not give us any child until Kiko turns at least three and it will be a “weekend visit”, not a long term assignment. We came back home disappointed and angry. Shouldn’t the case workers be on the kids’ sides? How dare they insult the kids when they are suppose to be protect and care for them. I don’t doubt that lot of kids have “problems” since they have some abusive history etc. But, that does not mean that the case workers should flippantly insult the kids in front of the hopeful foster parents!
After the initial interview, we weren’t sure if we should continue pursuing the foster care option. It sounded like a long arduous fight. But in the end, we decided to push on since Andy said “Don’t take Japanese people’s “no” as an actual “no”. Japanese people will eventually say ‘yes’ if you are persistent enough”. I called back the case worker a couple times and hounded her until she agreed to allow us to continue the process, which involves taking three group courses. So far, we’ve gone through two out of three, and the last group course is coming up this weekend.
The first group course was terrible. We had to sit in the class room for 6 hours listening to boring lectures on the Japanese orphanage and foster care systems. Most of the info I already knew. They gave us reading materials, so we could have just read it on our own and skipped the lecture. Instead, they felt it was necessary for them to read it out loud to us like we were in elementry school. The topic that bugged me the most was the abuse by foster parents. There were news articles about a foster mother who ended up killing and sexually abusing her assigned little girl. It made me really sad but at the same time, it planted doubt in my mind, “how do I know that I won’t follow the same path?”. I remember coming home all depressed thinking about this. Have you ever thought that maybe it is possible that you end up abusing your kids?
There were five other couples in the course. Those couples depressed me even more. It was obvious that the guys were brought there by their wives unwillingly. Some of them were out right sleeping during the courses. I understand the course was boring, but still. I feel like Andy and I were totally qualified to be foster parents compared to them!!
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Adele says
Chie! Kiko is so adorable, Andy better be ready to ward off future suitors (you know I’m just kidding, right?).
Just see it as their way of trying to scare away the feeble. Fostering/adopting is no joke, and the earlier they weed out those who aren’t serious/may harm the kids, the better. And don’t forget that if this is your family’s calling, God will allow you to adopt/foster at the right time. You may very well be used even as you go through your courses, no matter how boring those are. I’ll keep praying for you (and Andy & Kiko) as you go through this process. 🙂
Miss you!
Chie says
Thanks Adele! I miss you too! I didn’t know you’d read my blog :p I agree that the case workers try to weed off the parents that might be a problem in the future. But then, when I got to the group courses, I was surprised? The men were not willing or care about this at all?! At least it did not look like it from the sleeping during the courses and the group discussion (I’ll write more about this in the future). In the group discussion some men out right said that they were taken by their wives and they were unsure about the process. I wonder why the case workers did not make the couples work out this problem before they get to the course! Can you imagine a kid being brought to a new home and the parents are not in agreement about his or her coming? That would be awful.
Amber says
Wow, what a crazy process, it sounds like they are contradicting themselves in not approving you and them talking about the abusive people! Praying for you guys in this whole situation; I can’t imagine having to practically beg to be foster parents! You guys will be amazing foster parents, and I think any parent worries about the idea of losing control and abusing their child. It’s a fine line between discipline & abuse.
Chie says
Hi Amber! Thank you for your comment & prayer. I wonder what the foster care registration process is like in the U.S.? You know, when you hear “foster parents” I feel like it comes with bad connotation since some people do it for money.
theperfectnose says
Sounds awful. Sorry for you guys. OK, take a deep breath and breath out all that negative stuff then decide that you are not going to responsible for anyone else’s happiness (or lack thereof). Just because someone else did something bad doesn’t mean you will. The ill-treatment of the other child is due to the person that adopted them (and the fact that the government allowed that person to adopt in the first place). It has nothing to do with you at all. Strengthen your boundaries and keep your eyes on the prize-the happy family that you guys hope to build together. Focus on that and you’ll stay on the path. Don’t give up and don’t be depressed – everything you can offer a child is better for the child than being unwanted at an orphanage. Keep that thought to the forefront and the rest will follow. Best of luck.
Chie says
Thank you! We are taking our third course today! I’ll write more about it soon..:) xo
Brittany Cole says
Please don’t give up! From what I can see on your blog, you and Andy are wonderful parents. I was adopted and it was the greatest opportunity I was ever given in life. You have the ability to do the same for another little child. Yes, it will be hard. There will be tears and frustration. Don’t give up. You are able to give some little ones a gift that many only dream about: loving, kind parents. We will pray for you.
P. S. I love your sewing =)
Chie says
Thank you Brittany! We will keep going:) We expected this process to be long and frustrating, so we weren’t surprised that there were some difficulties. If you don’t mind asking, what was your experience like being adopted?
Ginger says
I’m so glad that you’ve stuck with the process! You and Andy would be such lovely foster parents– I know any time kids stayed with you, they would feel loved and protected. I wish you all the best as you deal with all the bureaucracy and red tape– hope things go smoothly from here on out!
Emeraldflare says
Don’t give up! You and Andy ARE the right kind of parents these kids need. I pray that God will use you you both effectively for this purpose 🙂 BTW I am 6 months pregnant yay!!! Reading your mommy diaries has been helpful thank you!
Chie says
OMG! Congratulations! That’s so exciting. I just read on your blog that you don’t have a morning sickness. That is great. Also read you finished your Ph.D! I’m so excited for you:) xo
Inna says
Chie, it’s so brave of both of you to fight with the governmental institutions! Aren’t they transform positive and happy couples into grumpy and negative by their lecture and general behavior? grrrrr I cross my fingers for you and wish you good luck!
Also, I know how horrible and long it takes from a friend in Europe, who applied for an adoption as a single mother. 3 years after she’d applied she still has to wait 1 more year to be able to take a child in her hands. Some people would get discourage by waiting, but strong and patient people are rewarded at the end!
Best of luck!
Janna says
BTW I’m curious, what is the eye color of Kiko? I find it very fascinating. Mixed babies are so cute tooo 🙂
Chie says
Hi Janna, her eye colors are hard to describe – it is a mixture of green, blue, grey and yellow, depending on the light. She was born with blue eyes, but they slowly changed to what they are now. It’s funny because Andy’s eyes are hazel and mine are brown!