How was your Labor Day? I planned on going to the beach (even made a bathing suit for the baby for the occasion!), but the weather didn’t look good so we decided against the idea. It turned out that it didn’t rain so we could have gone to the beach, but oh well. We went to a zoo instead. There is a free zoo in Kawasaki, called “Yumemigasaki zoo“. It’s closed to my dad’s office, so we stopped by to say hello to him then head to the zoo.
It was fun, and Kiko really enjoyed the squirrel monkies, the kind that’s yellow, small and jumps around a lot. She was laughing out loud as if that’s the funniest thing she’s ever seen!
I’ve wrote in the past that being a mom makes me feel all kinds of emotions that I had not experienced. I wrote in my diary 15 that I got angry at Kiko. Another emotion that I find myself often experience since becoming a mother is guilt. I had not felt guilty much before having her. But now I often find myself feeling guilty.
I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my baby. I went back to work full time a couple of weeks ago. After working for 8 hours, I’m only left with a couple of hours before Kiko goes to bed at 7pm. I try to make a best of it. I play with her, bath her, feed her and put her to bed. But often I’m left with feeling guilty for not being with her for a whole day.
After a couple of weeks of working and feeling guilty, I felt exhausted. I have all these things that I want to cram into in my to-do list for a day, and there is no way I accomplish all that. I talked to my friend, who is a mother of 5 year old. She goes to school full time and her daughter is in a daycare while she is in school. She has about two hours with her daughter before she goes to bed. I asked her if she ever feels guilty, and she said she doesn’t, she just takes it as it is. I think her answer kind of freed me up… I should take the best of situation that’s given to me.
The other kind of guilt I’ve been feeling is something I would never get over. I love my daughter to death. She is so sweet, she makes me smile and I can’t even think of a life before her or without her. But I love myself much more than I love Kiko, and it was so sad to have realized that. I care so much more about myself than I care about Kiko. Not until I became a mother, had I not realized how sinful and selfish I (or we human beings) am, and I always have to ask forgiveness for that..
Moms, do you ever feel guilty? How do you deal with that kind of emotion?
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Ai says
Yes! I do feel guilty not often but in some instances of being a full time mom. Like when they will not listen to me, then I end up losing my patience and yelling both of my toddlers. After, I cry it all out to my hubby or alone in the room. After, i talked to both of them why mom yelled at them and that i am not angry. I felt relieved. At all times, I always remind myself , to calm down and they are just kids- innocent little kids. it’s a normal kind of feeling for a mom like us.
Actually chie, sometimes it isn’t how much quantity of time you spend to your child, but the quality time you are with her.
cheers for being a mom!
mcloud says
Thanks God leading me to reach your blog as I am planning to have baby this year. I can understand what is the happiness times & sometimes feeling struggle as a mother/mother-to-be. I love cooking, sewing & DIY but I am lazy. I am so appreciated for all your sewing works and manage your blog so well. You are a talented, strong & beautiful Mommy~ I will keep watching your blog.
Chie says
aw thank you! its so exciting that you are planning to have family. thank you for reading my blog 🙂
Laura Wilson says
I’m kind of like your friend. I need to work. We are all happier when I can work and come home to be mommy. I was not cut out to be mommy all the time. I’m a teacher and being home over the summer really hammers that home. And I don’t think that you love yourself more than you should. It’s healthy to take care of yourself and your own needs. Again, it makes you happier and you can take better care of your family that way. Your hormones are probably not completely back to normal – cut yourself some slack. 🙂
Chie says
very interesting to hear what other working mom experiences! my husband thinks im more like your type. he thinks that im happier if im working hard.
yea, i do think my hormones are a bit off balance still, i hope they will go back to normal soon!
Vicki says
Welcome to motherhood! The great truth is that you will always feel guilty from now on: guilty when you’re at work and think you should be at home; guilty when you’re at home and feel you didn’t put enough effort into your work; guilty when you ignore your friends and husband because you’re exhausted; guilty when you’re out with your friends that your child is home crying with a babysitter….. whatever you’re doing, you feel guilty that you should be doing the other thing, even though you can’t. Men don’t seem to have this feeling, since they aren’t brought up with the conflicting messages about career and family. They just know that if they work hard, they are being a great Dad (and if they take care of the baby for one night, they get cheers all around for being so dedicated! 😉
The only way I cope is to think: what is the priority *at this very moment*? If I’m at work, I work as well as I can; If I’m at home, I do the best housekeeping I can; if I’m with my kids, I try to be the best Mom. And I take lots of time off for myself so I can refuel and do it all over again!
XO Vicki
Chie says
hi vicki! its a great advice – to find the priority at the very moment. i often find myself very overwhelmed, since i try to be a good worker, good mom, and good wife all at the same time, and its just not possible! thank you for your input and support<3 xx
Jessie says
My mom told me once that mothers live on guilt…Then I had kids and realized it’s true. I pray that God will help me be a good mom, and I re-prioritized my life. My husband and I went down to one car and I stay home now. I know a lot of people can’t do that, I feel blessed that I can even if we do have to live on a tight budget now. But, oh my being an at-home mom brings it’s own challenges I wish I didn’t yell as much.
Melissa says
Being a stay-at-home mother or the one that works – well, I would say so long you spend time with your daughter, all is good. My daughter loves being with her father whenever he comes home early from work. One thing she wants until she goes to sleep is only his attention. WE would feel guilty – as mothers – we are forever concerned about many things especially when it comes to our child.
But one advice I will give you, whenever you are overwhelmed with everything, take a walk alone or something that is only for you. It may be selfish but you can’t go on giving and giving with all your soul and might without a respite. It makes me much more calmer and relaxed when dealing with my daughter who insisted that I for now revolve around her. 🙂