Hello! I just got back to Japan from a short trip to Korea. All this week’s posts were pre-scheduled, so I’m sorry I have not replied to your comments yet, but I will soon! By the way, Andy and I took our baby with us on the trip. We thought, perhaps, we could pull off traveling with an infant since the flight between Japan Korea is only an hour and a half. NOT A GOOD IDEA. I will never ever take an infant on vacation again! I swear. More update on that next week…
But here is my husband, writing his Daddy’s Diary for this week 🙂
Hello ladies,
Chie asked me to fill in with another installment of the Daddy Diaries series. All continues well. Sophia is an amazing little girl and her mother is raising her wonderfully. Chie will never admit this but she is doing a great job. All that being said I have come across a few difficulties which I thought I would share with you.
First: I do not know if this is universally true with babies or not but here in Japan babies are considered community property. At any time, at any place, without so much as a warning people on the street will descend upon Sophia and begin to talk to poke, pinch, grab and cuddle this child as though she were there personal play toy. As an American male I can honestly say that there is little that causes me greater concern, distress and anger than people touching Sophia. I am usually pretty relaxed and open but with my daughter hands and eyes off please. My thinking in general with regards to babies is this: Cute, cool, nice now moving on. I see a kid give a quick smile and move on with my day. Here that is just not the case. I feel badly as I think about this but it has become my habit now to snap at and threaten physical violence toward any person I think may even be considering coming near Sophia. Not sure what to about this and if the problem would be the same if I were still living in America but man has this become a big time daddy difficulty.
Second: Sophia seems to be developing my personality flaw of pig headed stubbornness. This child is amazing for 3 months old. She has the patience to fight with me and already she is a match for me. I worked with “problem” children when living in Phily. I worked with the worst of the worst and usually successful in breaking down some of the learned problem behaviors. I was generally able to do this through quiet resolved patience a.k.a stubbornness. Generally speaking no child can outlast me, tantrum, screaming, crying, yelling are no matches for Andy but my daughter is already able to test my limits. I fear in the future what this personality trait could become if not harnessed correctly.
Third: Bottle feeding is terribly frustrating. Chie and I decided to both breast and bottle feed our little princess. This was so that we could have greater mobility and that both of us could share the heavy lifting. LIttle did I know how much baby would like the breast and how disappointed she would be with the bottle. This connects some what with my second difficulty of stubbornness. My daughter loves to eat, hence the name fatness. And, it is the case that if she is hungry she will take the formula and bottle when offered. However…. if she is in a “mood” this child will fight to the death to not take the bottle. Chie is a very active mother and this means that I spend a good amount of time alone with the baby with no breast available. If the child is hungry but unwilling to take the bottle this puts me in a very frustrating predicament. Even more than this bottle problem is the another bottle associated problem which is mobility. Sophia eats 20+ minutes at a feeding. I see Chie when breastfeeding having the ability to do multiple things at once because the baby latches on to a breast on one side leaving the one side immobilized but the other free to use. The bottle on the other hand sucks up both hands, both arms and requires me to devote that entire time to waiting for the queen to finish her meal time.
All in all these daddy difficulties aren’t too bad. My life as a daddy has been pretty charmed so far. Sophia is happy and healthy and is being well trained by her mother. If I could work on the three things listed above I would be utterly complaintless. Any suggestions?
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Geeky Sweetheart says
haha I guess that’s the downside of having such a well established routine! she was bound to ‘rebel’ wehen taken out of her comfort zone! I think the attidude to babies/baby bumps as ‘public property’ is more or less universal, but varies in severity depending on the specific culture/subculture in which you’re living. I’m in the UK, in a medium sized town in the south, there isn’t much of a community but people have still started random conversations with me in the street about my bump. But I dont think any of them would pick up a baby uninvited. If I was living in my hometown it would be different, everyone fels like they know each other (and most of them do) so I imagine there would be a lot of unsolicited ‘touching’ … I dont think your feelings are unreasonable.
I’m very interested over the fact that you are sharing feeding! it’s such a great idea even if you are finding it difficult Andy 🙂 most people have advised me that it’s very difficult to establish and it’s best to stick to one or the other… when did you introduce the bottle? do you have any advice for toher mothers/fathers considering this option? thanks xx
Chie says
Hello Geeky this is Andy,
Glad to be asked a question…Most people who know me usually just ask Chie assuming that she is the one with the answers anyway. As far as I remember, we actually have done both bottle and breast from birth…(Chieeeeee, is that correct? She said yes, we have done both since the hospital). I personally don’t find it too difficult. It’s all about being willing to listening to crying and having the patience to fight the feeding battles I think. With feeding the one thing I know about my beloved Fatness is that she will eventually eat. Kiko of course prefers breast milk straight from the source but if that is not an option she will take whatever. We actually had a major feeding war in Korea where she just refused the bottle all of a sudden…but as with everything else at this point, Daddy won eventually!!! I decided that she did not have the option of chossing her food yet and so would only offer bottled formula and would not let Chie breastfeed until Kiko got back to eating both. She screamed and fought through the morning and afternoon but by dinner time she was hungry and ate. Has not been a problem since!!! My child raising motto has become “Don’t let the child dictate” which runs contrary to most peoples opinions. I say bring the child into your world and let them adapt. Baby’s seem to be better at adapting to parents than the other way around so I say work that to your advantage as much as possible. As a father if you can learn to listen to your baby cry and not let it bother you, you will have found one of the keys to father-ing I think.
Lisa says
Hi. I’m Australian and I remember taking my new born daughter to the shopping mall and she began crying in her pram. A complete stranger came and grabbed the pram and started rocking it to try and make her stop crying! Numerous other similar events happened with both my babies. I have also had an old lady telling me I didn’t know how to be a good mother when my toddler threw a hissy fit in the mall! Such a nice thing to say to a young mum, don’t you think? So, I think this is a universal problem. And yes, their little personalities are evident from an early age, but that’s part of the fun of parenting, watching their character develop. As parents, we should try to mould them into the best that they can be. Have a look in Proverbs – there is alot of useful (and funny) advice for us parents. But a little stubborness can be a good thing later in life. Lisa
Janelle says
I totally understand about taking babies on vacation. First time we took my daughter on a trip that requires a plane ride was when she was a year old. AND we took our nanny with us. The extra cost was well worth it because even with the nanny, it was still stressful and I dread to do it again. Good job you both for surviving the trip with your sanity intact 🙂
Sympathetic says
Hello Andy,
Don’t let it stress you out, this is a common issue when you are a Westerner living in an Eastern Country with a baby being treated as communal property. The only strategy that I can suggest other than doing time for assault, is to say that the baby has been unwell and so shouldn’t be touched – and hope strangers will respect that.
As for your other issues, my motto has always been that babies are young but not stupid! Nature v nurture – there is a lot more in our genetics than we realise! You are doing the right thing – strong, silent, steady and CONSISTENT wins the day. With flights, breast or bottle feed on take off and landing to help their ears. I have one and my sister has eight. Trust me, all of her kids were breastfed whenever she could, but they all were taught to hold their own bottles by 2 1/2 months and were doing it themselves by 3 months. Just clasp your babys hands around the bottle and hold. They will let it drop at first of course, but just keep doing it. When they are really hungry, it won’t take long – they get it!
None of these are big problems, they are opportunities to get to know your daughter better. Please tell Chie that these trying times and how you meet them, are also a symbol of how capable and caring you are as parents.
Melissa says
LOL. I was amused with the little queen demanding her breast right – that doesn’t sound right when I wrote it down. Hmm. I know how you feel about people descending and trying to touch your little girl. I get irritated when people does that to my daughter too. I especially get annoyed when people push the pram cover up so they can see my daughter, especially when she is asleep! But it would taper off slowly, that crazy interest towards your baby. I hope so.
As for the travelling, I travelled to Poland and to Cambodia with my baby, all before she turned 1 year old. Imagine going on a 12 hour flight with a baby, that was a nightmare if we did not bring or be prepared. If she is eating, bring her favourite snack. A whole lot of them. Bribe her with it. If she has a favourite toy, bring that along too. And as a must, each time the plane is taking off or landing, let her suck on something. Unless she is asleep, then, never mind.
You will be fine. Travelling would be a fun thing too. She won’t be small for too long and she will understand what you want about 80% of the time.